-by Geoph Kozeny

"I think I can! I think I can!"

Most of us remember the kids' story about the little train trying to go up a huge, steep hill. The moral was that we can succeed at a seemingly impossible task if only (a) we believe that we can do it, and (b) we have the determination to follow through until the goal is reached.

Well, that was the lesson I learned all over again at last August's "Summer Camp," held near Portland, Oregon, sponsored by the Network For a New Culture (NFNC).

Although NFNC was originally inspired by ZEGG, a 19-year-old German community based on scientific research, personal growth, healing, free sexuality, and the development of a new culture, the North American network has developed a focus and a culture of its own that has only passing similarities to their German counterpart.

Having heard so much about ZEGG over the past five years, what struck me most about the reports was that a majority of North Americans seem to get fixated on the idea of free sexuality, downplaying or entirely overlooking the other equally important parts of ZEGG'S "New Culture" experiment. Fortunately, the NFNC organizers have a more balanced overview, emphasizing a multi-pronged approach that includes personal growth, communication skills, open sexuality, and building community. However, the culture they're evolving is not yet a "textbook" process -- in reality it's more like smoke, mirrors, and magic -- which is why the lesson I relearned is so important.

***** The Organized Part *****

Summer Camp's promotional flyer had advertised itself as "an exciting way to integrate new thoughts, build new friendships, and get a feel for community living. We will focus on building an environment of truth, honesty, sharing, and cooperation -- with plenty of time for creativity, relationships, and fun."

The setting was fabulous: a 46-acre Trolley Park in the forest, about a half hour outside of Portland, with outdoor showers, a private bathtub under the stars, and a 12-foot diameter hot tub. Most of the workshops were held in one third of the huge trolley barn, with wall-to-wall french windows on two sides and room enough for a circle (an oval, actually) of about 50 people. Campers either brought their own tents, slept in vans and RVs, or "camped out" in corners of the trolley barn. The meals were vegetarian, and tasty (though a few complained that the head chef was overly fond of hot spices). The weather cooperated wonderfully -- hardly a sprinkle the whole week, and this is in the Pacific Northwest (two years ago they got drenched the entire week)!

The "official" camp ran from Friday dinner through Sunday mid-afternoon ... nine days packed full of workshops, volunteer hours, sharing circles, dances, playtime, discussions, music, walks, talks, romantic interludes, and time for reflection. The week's schedule was fairly full, though several large slots in the agenda were intentionally left open for walks, support groups, hanging out, and whatever else anyone wanted to offer. Folks were free to participate in whatever inspired them, and to create their own experiences between or outside the planned sessions -- alone, or with others by clearly communicated mutual consent. Naturally, we ranged from celibate to sexually adventurous, and covered the entire range of the introvert/extrovert spectrum.

Some folks came a day or two early to help get the site ready -- replacing broken windows, painting "This Way" signs and placing them at strategic road intersections, cleaning the meeting hall, repairing the hot tub pump. We started bonding informally on our own, with no formal process in place to nudge us along faster, deeper. I, for one, was still carrying a lot of armoring from my interactions with the wider world, and felt relieved as the layers melted away.

Our numbers increased dramatically by Friday dinner, and it was obvious that the early crew and the camp organizers had a social advantage, feeling already at ease from the connections made in those "getting to know you" pre-camp work days. The organizers, well aware of the fact that working together helps build community, kept conference fees low by asking all camp participants to work several shifts of food prep or meal clean-up.

A majority of the campers immediately signed up for volunteer work hours, but many got too busy with workshops, side conversations, and courtship adventures. Throughout the week, we frequently interrupted group time to recruit volunteers to help out in the kitchen. Before long things started running on "camp time," which meant anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour behind schedule, influenced a lot by late meals, made late by staffing shortages in the kitchen.

The slate of workshops was designed to help us reevaluate our assumptions, consider new possibilities, stretch ourselves to experience unfamiliar (and therefore probably uncomfortable) interactions, and emerge with new ideas of what's possible, including the experience of living in an open, caring supportive environment that gives us the confidence necessary to shed our defenses and open ourselves to quantum leaps of personal growth.

Featured workshops included a peacemaking circle, community building, Stan Dale's approach to intimacy and communication, erotic spiritual play, the Options Method (finding, exploring, and dismantling self-defeating beliefs), Radical Honesty (expressing your thoughts, feeling, and intuitions honestly, "even when" you think that they will not be easy to hear), and tools for clear communication. The workshops combined wonderfully well, different ones providing tools and inspiration for different participants with different interests and needs, and they were interwoven with men's groups, women's groups, a positive "hot seat" exercise, erotic massage, and several techniques adapted from the ZEGG culture including the "Forum" and one called "The Dating Game."

The Dating Game, also known as the Communication Game, was said to be about openness, communication, and intimacy. First, all the women got together to set up a date matrix with the men that interested them, then later in the week the men got together to play the game in the other direction. Everyone who played was guaranteed at least one invitation, and the underlying idea was to get the same-gender campers to work together to create a cooperative process that would give everyone an experience they wanted ... a win-win situation.

I had some personal discomfort with the initial invitation process because, at least in the men's group, the energy felt to me to overemphasize the dating aspect and underemphasize the communications part. After a while though, most everyone mellowed out. In reality, although the ground rules were that "anything goes" by mutual consent, most of the paired couples got together for a half hour or so of talking or walking, sometimes massage swapping, and only occasionally something blatantly sexual (though several couples did use that as a stepping stone to amorous connections later in the week).

***** The Magical Part *****

In the end, through the Dating Game and other exercises, our whole transient community got into sharing the experience, and the sense of camaraderie was palpable -- among the men, among the women, and among us all. Our shared visions and values were constantly being explored, validated, and nurtured.

It helped that there was a lot of sympathy for and interest in exploring intimate relationships, and in looking at and overcoming barriers to intimacy. Though there was notable interest in "poly" lifestyles, and clearly some campers were having sexual adventures in their tents or in the woods, there was no prevailing pressure or mood that people "should" participate sexually here. There was a camp policy, reflecting a generally held sentiment, that people should look carefully at their own boundaries, communicate clearly about them, and honor whatever other people decided for themselves. Over the nine days I heard of only one violation of personal boundaries, and that by a man who joined us mid-week and who missed having a personal orientation to our basic agreements.

The real magic was that we collectively managed to set a tone, holding the energy of the group in a way that made folks feel safe and willing to be vulnerable. Campers were encouraged to share their stories, from their hearts, acknowledging their strengths, and owning those areas where they felt they needed to improve.

It became a very participatory process: people got really creative with their suggestions for how others might look at and/or work through their own material. We could do this same personal growth work back home, but usually we second guess ourselves and avoid the opportunity out of fear that we'll be misunderstood, judged, ostracized. Here, at camp, we believed -- in ourselves, in our community, and in our potential.

Over the course of the week I noticed perhaps a dozen different people who were hanging back at the edge (both during the group sessions and in between). I sought them out, got them to tell me some of their personal fears and concerns, and encouraged them to take responsibility for getting involved in the camp programs and asking for what they needed. I had never been this bold with strangers before, and was inspired to discover such a simple way to help people out of their self-created mire ... by emphasizing to them that others were, in fact, open to them, and that it was their own habit of holding back that catalyzed their experience of feeling left out, disconnected, alone.

The other resource people, plus numerous campers with a multitude of experiences, were equally inspiring. Buoyed by their creativity and confidence, I found myself radiating energy and smiles, engaging people, and sharing a lot of my experiences and stories in a way that really touched people -- I must have told a story or connected deeply with someone at least a dozen times each day, often sharing tears of sadness, joy, or communion.

As I reported in my sharing to the larger group, I felt like I was more "me" than I had ever been before in my life, and I was amazed to have maintained that energy for an entire week. I also confessed my realization (surely they had noticed) that I had been too serious and somewhat unapproachable during the first two or three days of camp, and that if I could change like that, so could they.

I'd known all along of that potential within me, but the magical support of my camp community was the key that unlocked the door. Believing I could be that brave allowed me to be that brave.

***** Back into the Mainstream... *****

I've often heard it said at personal growth workshops (NFNC camp was no exception) that "You come to these sessions, get all inspired by the insights and the transformative energy, then you go back out into the 'real world' and discover you're right back where you started -- only now you're sensitized to what might be possible, and thus you get discouraged or depressed by the lack of intimacy in your everyday life."

Thor, one of the summer camp organizers, put it more simply a few weeks after this year's camp had ended: "I still experience a big let down in the weeks after a camp. How can I escape this side effect?"

My answer is that I believe we CAN have that ongoing sense of community and support in our daily lives, but we each need to take personal responsibility for initiating and maintaining it. A big part of taking that responsibility is (1) learning to be clear about what you want, (2) asking for it, (3) not being attached to getting it and (4) being grateful and appreciative when it does manifest. However that's jumping the gun a bit -- for these steps to be effective, you need to establish solid relationships that value and encourage intimacy.

The best technique I know for reaching those levels of intimacy is to develop the habit of getting into interesting and meaningful conversations with anyone you encounter who seems willing. The main secret is to first ask the normal questions about kids, relationships, jobs, whatever -- but pay close attention to the answers, with an ear to asking follow-up questions that probe for the lessons learned or the meaning experienced. And be prepared to reveal some of your own challenges, growing pains, and insights -- the magic doesn't usually happen in one-way exchanges.

Probably the most common pitfall we idealists stumble into while pursuing "meaningful conversations" is, after catching a glimpse of how good life "can" be, we slide into proselytizing about how, exactly, life "should" be. We witness the power of an idea, then with intent to share the wisdom, we instead create a dogma. A born-again community builder is every bit as repulsive as a zealot from any religion or personal growth seminar.

The key to avoiding that trap is to be open minded and flexible, to try to understand why the other person sees the world as they do, and to identify common values that might lead to mutual understanding and appreciation.

This transformation work takes time. It seems that at every conference or extended workshop I've attended, there's been a "familiarization" period ... those first two or three days where the participants start to get acquainted, let down their defenses, and begin in earnest the bonding process. In reality, most of the "serious" work doesn't even get started until perhaps late into the second day of a gathering.

For example, five days after the NFNC camp I attended the Loving More conference near Santa Cruz, California. I was impressed by how similar, and inspiring, the visions and the vibes were at both events. For me, however, the NFNC camp was a deeper and more transformative experience -- not due to superior participants or programming, but because in Oregon we got to hang out in the supportive and loving energy vortex for a whole extra week!

My resolution for next year is to try to get these two events scheduled a week apart again, but get the order switched -- so those who can find the time and money for both can go get opened up at the Loving More conference, then use the NFNC camp as an opportunity to explore their growth issues more deeply in the company of other sympathetic and supportive beings travelling a similar path. Hopefully we'll all come away inspired to return to the surreal world and model "What I learned on my summer vacation."

I'm already planning to attend both gatherings. Besides probing deeper into opportunities for personal growth, we'll encourage each other to believe in our collective strength and shared potential. We'll push our train up that mountain of possibilities ... "I know we can! I know we can!"

***** end *****

RESOURCE CONTACT INFO

Network For a New Culture
Summer Camp '98
PO Box 160
Forest Grove, OR 97116
1-800-624-8445
Web: www.nfnc.org
Email: info@nfnc.org
SC'98: sc98@nfnc.org

Human Awareness Institute
1720 S. Amphlett Blvd. Suite 128
San Mateo, CA 94402
(415)571-5524

Option Institute
2080 S. Undermountain Drive
Sheffield, MA 01257
(413)229-2100